I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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