It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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