People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
