Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
