yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
