i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this will be a night to untag.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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