I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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