woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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