dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
