you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
