Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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