It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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