Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
