youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
