Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
