He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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