I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
