My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
