New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Fuck appropriateness.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
