when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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