cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
