I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
