i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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