six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
