she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
