all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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