All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
