I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
