She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
