New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
