We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
