exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
