So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
