This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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