There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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