Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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