Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
