What tipped you off? The sombrero?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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