life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We need to get me chipped asap
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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