Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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