And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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