So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
