We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
