i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
