cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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