so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
