...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Couch. On fire.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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