My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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