apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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