It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
