I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
