The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
