made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
