Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
