Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
