It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
