I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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