More tranny stories later!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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