I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Alive.
So much puke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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