You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
