just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
