I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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