Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
