Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
