You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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